Return of blogging…and self sabotage

So I don’t know why I slacked on the blog….perhaps it’s because I’ve been trying to stay focused on this challenge. I know that it sounds crazy (perhaps crazier if you’ve done the challenge), but days 1-10 were actually easier for me than days 11-now. Maybe it’s because of the structure. Then again, maybe it’s because I was more eager then. Whatever it is, days 11-15 have been TOUGH. I don’t know why- but I am the queen of self sabotage. If I have  great day, I will fight urges to reward myself with food. If I have a horrible day I will fight the urge to eat my feelings.  I often wonder at what point in my life did my entire existence: happy, sad, nervous, anxious, worried, etc. resort to being comforted by food. Prior to Advocare, I would have considered myself a food addict. I woke up and the first thing I thought about was food. While eating breakfast, I’d think about what I was going to have for lunch. I’d get anxious or nervous if I didn’t know when my next meal was going to be. I can’t tell you how many times I drove through or ate out MULTIPLE times a day.  Frankly, I was always kind of impressed that I didn’t weigh more than I did. No lie people- I should have weighed WAY more. All of that should have changed when I had my daughter, but kids bring on a crazy new amount of stress and I (seriously) convinced myself that it was better for them to see me happy (i.e. satisfied) than stressed. Sometimes my 3 year old would pat my belly and ask me if I had another baby in there. You know what I did? Put him to bed, swore to workout more, and then ate Ben and Jerry’s. But seriously ?! Isn’t that what an addict does? Justifies crazy ass decisions to get their drug. It’s completely me…only my drug is food. Honestly, I don’t know what ‘switch’ made me look at myself and think ‘this is a whole lot of bull crap’, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with the fact that my not even 7 year old told me that she ‘looked fat’ in something and didn’t want to wear it. She said it like it was nothing. Like she had heard it said so many times without impact before that it did not weight on her soul the way it had just crushed mine. I.wanted.to.die. That precious little lady is not fat. She is not anything. SHE IS SIX. She is six years of funny, kind, smart, and sassy. She is perfect. No amount of food was going to fix that feeling of failure. It was too bitter of a pill for any ‘comfort’ to satisfy.

THAT.That is what Advocare has let me get rid of. Have I lost a zillion pouds? No. Twenty since I started and 4 on the challenge so far. But the weight off my shoulders is immeasurable. Advocare has lessened my cravings, amped my energy, and helped me make decisions that have led to our family outings being to the produce section and on hikes…instead of the buffet. My little lady likes helping me make ‘healthy choices’ and we bond over packing her lunch together instead of shoving lunch money (don’t forget the extra $1 for ice cream!) in the pocket and running out the door.

So I get it. I get it if you’ve failed at everything before so you don’t want to invest. Then don’t. You can’t afford to buy ‘another’ thing. Then don’t. Because if your mindset is ‘fixed’ on what you ‘can’t’ do…then you won’t do it. But if you will just do me a favor…add the word ‘yet’. You can’t afford it…yet. You haven’t found anything that works…yet. If you are anything like me, that yet is going to save you. Whether it saves you from your “fat” kid….or something else that scares you away from yourself…you just haven’t found it…yet. Or have you?

Let me help you find your ‘yet’. Click here to check out what Advocare can do for you.

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